i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just want nice things and good sex
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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