it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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