Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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