We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
