do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
