I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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