Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
