goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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