Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
