I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
