I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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