If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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