It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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