I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
