I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
