You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
