I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
