he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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