I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
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