I wish they made helmets for livers.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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