I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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