i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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