mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
