I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
