It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
