I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
