My hand turned me down
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize