Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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