Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
