I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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