proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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