Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
