Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
