this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
