Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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