I think I am morally bankrupt
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
