my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
