i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
