I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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