So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
