Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Randomize
