he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
