Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
