Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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