My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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