I just made out with a guy for $7.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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