This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
