We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
