Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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