I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
