mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
i think my cat just said my name.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
