Don't make out with my wife yet
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
