After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
