if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
