I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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