I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
