he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
