wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
