"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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