i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
