I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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