well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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