If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
