he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I would ride that face into the sunset
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
