nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
