I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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