Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
