I think my fart just growled at me.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
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