I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
