Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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