Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You can't motorboat a personality
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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