just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have already put on my inside pants.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
