Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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