I can't breathe out the right side of my face
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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