he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
