I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I have fence marks all over my body
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
